Nothing In Particular

I’m alive.

I know this is the longest I’ve gone without posting and many of you heard of our little earthquake so I’m sure you all were DYING to make sure I survived.

I did, and I feel like I should post something now, but my head is so clogged with grad school final paper stuff that my brain is mush. And I’m so tired of having to write in an “organized fashion” (insert air quotes ala Chris Farley here) and "actually be interesting" and have a flow in a paper that “makes sense,” that I think I’m going to rebel and just have this post be:

Dana’s Random Stream Of Consciousness!

(line above to be read in the same manner that circus people yell 'It’s The Greatest Show On Earth!'...and maybe with an echo, for effect.)

See below, in no particular order. Or rather, in any order of my choosing. Take THAT logical thought processes!

1.
The sign in the ladies restroom at work says: “This Commode is not designed to accept paper towels.”

Ok - who calls it a "commode"?

And - designed to “Accept”? I’m not giving the “Commode” a tip. Or a compliment... (I’m also not giving it paper towels because THERE IS TOILET PAPER. Who would use a paper towel instead?! Ouch.)

I wanted to take a photo on my phone but realized then I’d be the creepo taking photos inside a bathroom stall.

Maybe tomorrow though.

B.
I just noticed on the side of my Facebook wall that there is now a “On This Day!” box for random facts. Fortunately, mine was only that me and my friend Jim became "Friends" on Facebook “On This Day Two Years Ago!” (I know, fascinating...)

But I wonder where this will go. I’m picturing sobbing girls talking about how Facebook reminded them of when they first “became friends” with their ex, or maybe Facebook will start On This Day's for “You became Single again!” or “Joe Smith deleted you after calling you a pyscho hose-beast!”

Dangerous territory, Facebook. Bold move.

#14.
Did I mention we had an EARTH. QUAKE. In D.C. That ain’t normal. Can I list some of the 47.5 Not Normal things I’ve encountered since living here?
-terrorist attacks
-anthrax
-the D.C. Sniper
-a hurricane
-the worst winter D.C. has ever seen
-the highest temperatures D.C. has ever seen
-the worst earthquake D.C. has ever had.
-a PLAGUE of LOCUSTS! No joke. Well, maybe not a plague, but once every like 17 years we get an infestation of Cicadas. They are very similar to locusts and attach themselves to EVERYTHING (like the back of my skirt in Target. Ahem. I only knew this after a child screamed about it to her mother...) and they sound like crickets BUT WITHOUT A BREAK IN NOISE. They were here for like two weeks. I'm sure people went deaf.

And now we have a hurricane supposedly coming this weekend. I seriously can't keep up anymore.


XX.
Recent lesson learned: When I’m looking for running shoes and want to know how close to the end of a shoe my toe should be for optimal comfort, I need a saleslady who is actually following the conversation. Me asking her if she thinks the NINES that I have on are TOO BIG for me and having her say she didn’t think I needed to try a TEN is not so helpful. Especially on the third go around of that conversation. Her:“Oh I think 10 would be too big” Me: “Yes, well, I would assume so as well since I’m asking if NINE IS TOO BIG...I'm trying to get your opinion on if you think 8.5 would be too small” Her: “Oh you think 9 is too small?”

Me: Sigh.

After being so addled by that conversation, I proceed to make a fool of myself while paying. I purchase two pairs of the same shoe because they are buy one get one half off. I even confirm that fact with the cashier. Then when the cashier says “ok, these are $99 and these are $49” I immediately blurt out something like “Yeah, why is that? Shouldn’t they be the same price? They’re the same shoe.”

Her (now clearly questioning how I got myself to the store alone): “Because. They. Are. Buy. One. Get. One. Half. Off.”

Ah. I’m up to speed now, thanks.

4.
I recently met a man who gave me his business card. It was all black and on the back it just said:
Ed.
Get it.
I’m now considering doing something similar but putting better instructions. Like:
Dana.
Buy her things.
I’m still working on it...

Yellow.
My coworker and I are awaiting badges for my new project site so we are left at the mercy of others to escort us for everything from letting us upstairs in the morning to letting us use the restroom (where the toilets won’t accept paper towels, no matter how nicely you offer). Today, when she and I came back after having the AUDICITY to get lunch, we couldn’t get anyone to escort us. We finally saw a random guy we recognized, but didn’t know by name, about to get in the elevator. To which we BOTH simultanesouly began yelling “OOOH! OOOH!” like kids trying not to be last picked for dodge ball. Pathetic. When we filed in sheepishly behind him, the guy asked what days we came in during the week...so he could work from home those days.

Sigh.
Alabama.
I’m really considering using this “numbering” system in my every day life. Just to keep folks on their toes.

#17.
I'll sign off now and prepare for the impending hurricane. I can't keep up with all the protection measures we need around here anymore so I fear my brain will do something similar this weekend that my friend Steve's did when he accidentally caught his sleeve on fire at a party and tried to remember the mantra "Stop, Drop, and Roll".

Instead?

He could only remember "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle"

Wish me luck, Internet....