What's with Today, today?

"What's with Today, today?" was the tagline of my blog for many years because it's a quote that fits my life really well. For those of you who have not seen the movie Empire Records, it's from a scene where one of the characters asks another, "what's with you today??" and he replied (in a dreamy/stoner "higher level of thinking" sort of way) "what's with today, today?..." Which makes me laugh and it describes most days of my life because I so often am doing way too many things at once and I get caught in the throws of Murphy's Law and think "what is happening to me today??"

Like this day, for example: 

I was working from home and planned to attend a large meeting at a fancy hotel nearby at 4:00pm. But, per usual, I'm trying to answer one more email and take one more call before heading out. And I'm hungry, and I'm in my weekly race with my groceries where I have to eat meals like - a cup of milk, a bottle of acai juice, something involving bread, and a zucchini, before all those things spoil simultaneously.

Yesterday's concerning food items were my sweet potatoes.

So I'm "baking" (microwaving) one to throw brown sugar on and eat on the way, and I'm still on a call, still on my email, and someone tells me they want to have a call with me at 4:30.

Fine. I'll go into my meeting, then slip out and take the call.

Then I realize it's 10 minutes until 4:00. And the evening proceeds roughly as follows:

3:50: I'm driving too fast, while eating a sweet potato, and trying to stay cool because I do not want to have to wash this dress after wearing it for just a couple hours. And I have to find the hotel. And I can't find it. Then I do find it, find parking, and get out to pay the meter.

4:07: I pay the meter, start sweating (Gah! My Dress!!) and walk down a mound of dirt around one of the trees lining the sidewalk next to the meter.

4:08: I fall down that mound of dirt.

Slide down it really, it was pretty much in slow motion - you know, so the maximum amount of people around could catch the sight.

4:09: I get up, stifle laughter, grab my stuff and head towards the hotel. And I look down just to make sure my dress hasn't popped open or something in the fall.

And the dress is untied. But nothing drastic, I'm still half-way presentable, and I still have faith it will make it another wear before washing. So I re-tie and enter the hotel.

4:13: I see a registration table for an event. And before I reach the table, I'm already loudly asking "Is this for [name of event]?" and the lady whispers (!) that it is.

Oooooh. The door beside that table leads to the event.

And it's open. So everyone may have just heard me.

4:20: Dana finally walks into her 4:00 event...after possibly announcing her own lateness.

4:21: I sit, try not to make too much noise, bend down to change out of my "walking flip flops" into my heels -

and see dirt all over the side of my foot.

Craaaaap. I had looked at my dress but forget to check my skin after that fall.

I clean myself off, and tell myself "it's fine, you are still halfway presentable." I then proceed to pay attention to the meeting -- except every few minutes I have to stifle laughter again because I get an image of myself falling down that stupid dirt mound.

Then I get an email that my 4:30 call is now at 6:30. Excellent! Now I don't have to walk right back out- the day is looking up!

6:00: The event ends, and I go up to talk to a senior manager, then I hit the restroom, where I glance at the mirror:

And it looks like I have a faint black eye.

Apparently, in my haste to put on dark purple eye shadow right before this, I didn't realize some of it had fallen under my eye. Lovely, now my manager thinks I've recently been in a fist fight. I give up! I'm going to Target....

6:30: I call my "4:30" call in the parking lot of Target - and get a voicemail. So I go in to shop.  

6:35: somewhere in Active Wear, my "4:30" call -calls me. So then I have to act professional again as if I am not currently surrounded by women shopping for sports bras. 

I finish the call, leave Target, and stop to get gas on my way home.

And the gas tank doesn't work.

So now I'm sweating again and I scramble back into my car, and pull into another tank, get out again, and get gas. 

7:06: I have to concede that this dress is so going to have be washed after all...

7:15: I finally get home and decide to replace the belt on my vacuum. Then I burn the new belt immediately. Then put another one on...

And start to suck up a TENNIS. SHOE.

The vacuum grabbed the lace and started trying to eat it, then started smoking before I could even hit the Off button. Which left my apartment smelling like burnt rubber, and left me wondering:

What was WITH today??